It has taken me this long to believe in the possible. I wanted to believe that I could believe in the possible, but I wasn’t there.

Now I am.

Today I step forward on a bridge across a chasm.  Today I let go of the trapeze and trust that another will swing to me. It may seem implausible to you. You may think that with the things I have done in this world—how could she not believe? All along I have tried to believe; I have acted on “faith,” done my best, and have been very lucky.

I blindly stepped off the cliff many, many times. I fell many, many times, and along the way I learned something about endurance, about preparedness, about picking myself up. Today I stand in belief and readiness. Really, believe me, I did not believe before today. I hoped, but did not believe.

It matters that today I realistically take control and consider my own needs, the needs of my family; my abilities, and desire for a more positive future, and commit an act of bravery. You, who are not me, will find it difficult to understand the great significance.  A few months ago, I wasn’t ready. A few months ago I would have leapt off of the cliff and died against the rocks, again.

Today, I believe. I believe enough to not set my fear aside but see through it, and act with determination and smarts. There were years when I held a knife to my own throat. (I dropped the knife). There were months that I never left my bed. (I’m an early-riser).  There were days and days of black pages. (The pages are artfully drawn).

I do not have to accept a future of despair.