2012 Retreat Writings, Part 1

Acclimation

This is becoming habit.  Unpack. Turn the music up. Take off my shoes. Have a snack, call home to let them know I am here and ok. Plug in the computer. Open a document and begin writing the thoughts that come to me. What was it I thought of last night, that sleepless night?  Truth is wordless but we try to speak it anyway. I am here to find some truth and some Truth. I am expanding into the space. This is my time and I want to rejuvenate. I feel so comfortable here. I am claiming it as a home away from home. Now is the time that I get serious about the purpose for which I came. I think I need some different music to begin.

To My Hosts,

Thank you for making the choices you did that led to this little place, and your generous hospitality.  In this moment I am happy.  In this moment I am in a sweet cozy casita enjoying aloneness.  I am listening to a test message from the national emergency system, though.  It kind of freaks me out. Can you do something about national emergencies, so we don’t have them? Oh dear, I am tired.

This is a Moment

There is a painting in here of a tree on fire.

Trees on Fire

There is a painting in here of a tree on fire. Or it is just the leaves that are aflame with seasonal color? I imagine it is fire because I taste fire in the air. There is smoke on my tongue.  Something is exploding in my skull. What do we dream when we are burning? Last night I dreamed I was playing an instrument and I could not get sound out of it. I was having technical difficulties. Maybe that was an expression of the technical difficulties I am/was having here? I cannot feel as though everything I write has to be profound or deep. Some things will be what they are.  Although later I will read meditations and then everything will take on a deeper hue and tone. This may be the first piece I edit and salvage from the writings I have done so far.

Writing to Write

I love my husband so much!! He gives and gives. That is why I wanted him here with me but at the same time I wanted the aloneness.  I want to do my thing in private. This is good work just writing to write. I am writing to write. Something good and beautiful will come from this. I am creating something lasting, perhaps. Something needs to be said. Something needs to be written.

The light is dropping into the ground. I think the light is a foot deep in the earth.

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