Living Truer To My Self

OFFICIAL BLOG RENEWAL POST002-1015

 

In 2004 the death of my beloved child prompted me to look deeply at my life and how I could live truer to my self from the point of Adam’s death onward.  What meant the most to me beyond my own and my family’s health and well-being was to be the writer I was born to be.  I dedicated to Adam my pursuit of writing with impassioned effort. I began to write daily, reverently and passionately. My commitment to write everyday was charged with the notion of being my true self, doing rather than thinking or talking about being a writer.

I approached my ambitions with professionalism and perseverance. In the past I worked in sales and marketing, and in public relations.  I thought to bring these skills to my writing career as I sent my work to potential publishers.  When I went to “poetry socials” I carried a leather portfolio (nerd-alert) which contained my poems. I sought out other writers on the local scene and made a few tight connections. I pressed forward to create opportunities for myself to share my work publicly in many forums. The embrace of my writer-self was wholehearted.  

When writing, my creative energy was manic, but reigned in and tempered by my determination to make a successful go at creating a body of publishable work, as well. I produced mass quantities of poems, half-eaten scraps and some whole, worthy efforts.  Many pieces are laughably juvenile but I persisted and did not perceive these efforts as failures. I held the belief and still do that I am learning a skill and improvement is desired and necessary.  I truly believe I will get better and better with deep sustained effort.

As much as a desire to develop professionally is the motivation to deepen as a human being that drives me to write. I am carving a path outwardly and going deeper into myself, which is the true reward of being an artist.  Artistic growth is highly desired. As I live superficially I often disconnect from my self and do not acknowledge the inner worlds.  Writing out my life (in quasi-confessional poems) has given me the tools to cut through the dross and release the voice within.  I defy labels which would classify what type of poetry I write. I write free verse, but some forms. I firmly believe that all of my writing is experiment, but not necessarily experimental.  

In the five years that have passed since I began on the path of living a writing life, I have had remarkable experiences and successes, and have been blessed with rewarding and nurturing friendships with likeminded writers.  I am on a path and I do not allow much of anything to divert me from it. I have chosen to step off for a time here and there but the groove is well worn.  I’ve heard it said that if a writer is not writing, they are writing in their head.  It could be true, but I hold myself to the principle that if I am not writing down what’s in my head, I am not writing.

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