Six Months In

So far in 2010–six months in–I have had nine poems published and three have been accepted and will soon appear in magazines. I am thrilled to bits about this. I was updating my C.V. with the new acceptances and noted that 49 pieces of my creative writing have been (or will be) published. Most of them have been published since 2004. 

In 2004, my son died.

When Adam died, I promised myself that I would live my life as a writer; that I would write purposefully and professionally for the rest of my life, God-willing. I have lived the writing life each day since.  I embrace my role as writer, along with my roles as wife and mother, proudly and with serious intent.  I always start out my “bio” with the phrase:

Clare is a poet/mother/wife…whatever.

I am these things at my very center. I move outwardly from ‘that place’ in my heart—

I can also share that I have bipolar disease. I have struggled for most of my adult life with its symptoms. I have had serious breakdowns and lost so much but I have been very blessed to have a doctor who saved me with careful attention and astute clinical sense which he used in my treatment.

I have been in recovery since 2000.  That means I am moving forward but the disease never leaves.  It is always at my back.  It is deadly–but thankfully I have been able to care for myself and my family somewhat steadily for a long period. I learned the hard way how to sense the oncoming symptoms. I have the strong support of family, friends and a treatment team of doctors.

I am in recovery.

I am recovering.

I am.

If you would like to read the poems that have been published on the Internet so far in 2010 please click the links below.

“White Bull, Black Road” Scythe, Vol. II, 2010

“The Woman You Married” Scythe, Vol. II, 2010

“Little Poem at Pink Moon” Scythe, Vol. II, 2010

“Memento Mori” THE RED ROOM: Writings from Press 1, anthology, 2010

“Mute” Blue Fifth Review, blue collection 1, anthology series, 2010

“Winter Brought Out All the Knives” Melusine, 2.2 Spring/Summer 2010

“Birthing” Avatar Review, Issue 12, Summer 2010

“Make a New Garden” Avatar Review, Issue 12, Summer 2010

“The Never That Was” Avatar Review, Issue 12, Summer 2010

“Father Almost Drowning” Poets & Artists, forthcoming 2010

“Open Me with a Fire of Words” Wild Goose Poetry Review forthcoming 2010

“Premature” Literary Mama, forthcoming  2010

Happy News

Thanks to Sam Rasnake for selecting my work for inclusion in the first e-book “blue collection 1″ in the new series from Blue Fifth Review. The wonderful collection including my poem “Mute” can be read by following the link below.

the blue collection 1

Haiti

My prayers and thoughts for healing the suffering of your people go out to you…I have and will continue to give what I can.

My prayers, too, are for all who are suffering in mind and body.

Text HAITI to 90999 to donate $10 on behalf of the American Red Cross. — Text YELE to 501501 to donate $5 on behalf of The Yele Haiti Foundation.

Nice to meet ya, again.

OFFICIAL BLOG RENEWAL POST001-1014

 

Each success, no matter how small, in practice of what I love is a lightning strike against the dark.  And I have been in dark, metaphorically dark and literally extinguished places. I’ve been around fires a blazin’ too and they can be happy places!

Ah ha, yes. Well.

I am a poet/mother/wife living with bipolar disease. I have been blessed with clarity and stability in my medical situation for a few years with the effort put in by my strong team of caregivers medically, in the healing arts, and through the support of loving family members who have stood by me. I had recurring traumas and “breakdowns” in my life which robbed me of many things.  I was unhappy and clinically sick for most of the 1990s.

I’m gaining back my life, which could have been lost, had I succumbed to the disease and died. (And yes Bipolar kills.  Look up the suicide rates of bipolar people, people!) I have been gaining back my sense of self and finding healing through writing.  There’s a link between mental illness and creativity. My interest would be: poets who have bipolar disorder.  This is a hot topic and I expect to weigh in on it from time to time.

I’ve always been a writer, writing up to this very sentence, poems, plots, plays and peddling pure phiction.  

I am a lifelong resident of Louisiana, and a graduate of the University of Southwestern Louisiana, now called University of Louisiana at Lafayette. I majored in English and minored in Philosophy—the perfect match of disciplines for a budding poet.  I published a few poems in college, got married, and only sporadically wrote for a few years. 

When I feel the aura of a poem coming on to me so clearly,  I am moved by words yet forming, as if words could ride air and pass through my skull, form the syllables in my mind and mouth, and I get up from whatever I was doing and write something.  Writers write.  Thinkers think. Thoughts fly away until you put the thought-words on a piece of paper or enter them into a computer—then you are a writer, for having written it. Congratulations!

Pre-Poems/Free-Writes— the mystique of this airwave/brainwave/of what was working in my subconscious/some feathery slip of a thing flits from its dark hiding place and dawns in the mind.

I was a lazy writer, in the sense that I did not demand it of my self. I wanted to learn how to do it my way.  Not in a conventional class room.  I wanted to be in my environs living and drawing my poems from the right here that I am living. The within: my domestic life, sex life, body life, mind’s life, and my natural life as a creature on this planet with other creatures, domesticated and not.

I am in the pursuit of the image. It is my starting point in all writing I do.  What is the image?  Observation is the key. I am also an amateur photographer, so for me it is usually a visual stimulus. A description must encompass, not describe too much but rather show in deft and artful language the essence, the charm of it.

Is it startling?  Is it sustainable? What I mean is does it having lasting qualities to live on in the poem if we construct an environment for it to thrive? Will its meaning inspire other meanings which may or may not conflict with the intended meaning.  Does this matter?  If it is what it is and you want that image/those words, then you choose. Poetry is making choices.  Words-connections-shaping-breaking-exploding and putting the poem back together, or not– are the choices of the artist.  Read poetry, get inspired, and learn to make choices.  Major choices are definitive; some choices allow a little wiggle.

That’s what it is about.

I am building around a central image, not always, but habitually.  Images come from things and we get to know things through our senses, sight, smell, taste, hear and touch, so images come from the basic 5 senses—this is basic knowledge of what is concrete and what it abstract in the study of poetry but it is crucial because by utilizing these tools you can transform, imagine, ignite passionate responses, and through words you can bloodlessly crush people in a way they like to or would rather not like to be crushed.   

So when I return I will speak of why I am in pursuit of the image as it is stated at the top of the blog.

 I welcome comments for friendly and heartily espoused discussions.  What I have written here is brief and leaves many questions to me but I wanted to holdback so questions could be put to me and any other readers for discussion.

Writing For Life

It’s the same old, same old…still kind of living like a hermit…but I am getting out more. Writing in the middle of the night…sleeping as I can. I have been pushing hard to get poems out—to produce them and to send them to literary journals for possible publication. I have six poems coming up in literary journals Spring/Summer 2009 starting 4/29 when my poem “WHAT IS REQUIRED IN THE FOREVER”—a love poem to my husband will appear in “Clean Sheets: a Journal of Literary Erotica.” It makes me feel like I am doing something important…and I say that with the caveat that for many years I have felt unimportant to myself. More so in the last few weeks I have felt creative and personal journal writing have been lifesaving for me.

 

I look back 25 years and I was a pregnant teenager with some prospects and supportive parents. My parents enabled me to go to college while they took care of my son. As the first year passed we realized Adam was not developing as he should and after that first year he developed seizures. The diagnoses he received are far too lengthy and complex for me to relate them but I will say he was severely disabled throughout his life (19 years) both mentally and physically. There was a long period during which I could not face these things and I didn’t. Then I met Dean. We grew closer to my family when we began our relationship because everyone liked each other and Dean was good to us. Acceptance on my part happened regarding Adam’s disabilities and I began to deepen my bond with him. After a few years I took back guardianship of him from my parents, which had been switched when I was unable to care for his special needs. I began making the decisions about his care (and did until his death) and things were going somewhat smoothly except that I had been diagnosed with bipolar disease.

 

The symptoms associate with my bipolar disease (and it is a disease not a disorder) and ways they have manifested in the past are: persecuting thoughts, depression, psychosis-delusional thinking, paranoia, hallucinations, mania, and detachment from reality. Between the years 1992-1999, I had 3 major “breakdowns” which required hospitalization. I was in the hospital 6 times. Since 2000, I like to think I have been in recovery with a few “mini-freak-outs” which have been handled with my care team and my supportive family’s intervention. So, since 2000, I have been somewhat stable and high-functioning. I feel my functioning gets better as we go along. But the disease is always there and I must never forget that. The risk of spiraling is lower because I am adamant about taking my medication and caring for myself but this disease is dangerous and sneaky…so I take medications, see my doctors—and for anyone who is bipolar who doesn’t want to take medication because they don’t want to “lose their creativity.” I will tell you that I have never been more creative than when I am well and taking my meds. I have proof, having had or will have 32 poems published in literary journals since 2004, and of course with the fact I have not been hospitalized since the late 90s. I am not cured but I am in recovery, and writing has been a major part of that recovery—and my doctors, family and friends of course.

 

Writing, my creative life, specifically making poetry, has opened me to explore inner worlds, my own psyche, and to find my path out of extraordinary hardships (which I do believe were blessings too.) Also journal-writing has empowered me through this process too. But to be able to write a piece of art—one of the highest forms of human expression, has given me my soul and self worth back. To have the words read and appreciated by others gives me such joy. I am humbled and moved by the whole experience. Writing for life, reading poetry, creation and expression have kept me sane and deepened my knowing. Yes, “Writing For Life” is a good title for this (long) note because that is exactly what this vocation has done/is doing for me.

 

I am writing my life back to wholeness.

In Clear Voices: Lana Maht Wiggins & Clare L. Martin

Casa Azul Reading Series
(Hosted by Patrice Melnick)

In Clear Voices: Lana Maht Wiggins & Clare L. Martin

 

Thursday, April 9, 2009

7:00pm – 9:00pm

Casa Azul Gifts

 232 ML King Dr

Grand Coteau, LA

Host: Patrice Melnick

Phone: 3376621032

Email: casa.azul.gc@gmail.com

 

Thursday, April 9, 2009. 7:00 to 9:00 p.m., poets Lana Maht Wiggins and Clare L. Martin will read original works of poetry, followed by Open Mic.

Lana Maht Wiggins is the author of Notes from Refuge (Plain View Press), poetic narratives of her life in New Orleans and her personal refugee experience immediately following Hurricane Katrina. Notes from Refuge was a finalist in the 2006 Marsh Hawk Press Poetry Contest. Lana also received the Judge Felix Voorhies Award for Creative Writing and a Jon Z. Bennet Award in The Deep South Writer’s Conference Poetry Contest in 1996. She has been published in The Southwestern Review, Deep South Writer’s Chapbook, Dance to Death, Words-Myth, Moondance, Knock and The Smoking Poet.

Clare L. Martin is a poet-mother-wife. Her creative writing has appeared in Inch, Eclectica Magazine, Wheelhouse Magazine and The Blue Fifth Review and in other literary magazines. Her poem “4-Way Stop at Dusk” appears in the anthology Best of Farmhouse Magazine Vol. 1.  She is also the playwright of “Waterlines” produced in April and November of 2006, and in May 2007, as part of the project “Sustained Winds,” a collaboration with the theater company Acting Up (in Acadiana) and 40 Louisiana artists responding to Hurricanes Katrina and Rita. In 2007, “Sustained Winds” was performed in New York City as part of FringeNYC. Sustained Winds was again performed at Festival International de Louisiane April 25, 2008.

Recently Clare served as a poet-presenter of a poetry workshop and facilitator of a storytelling session for the first annual Festival of Words, in the communities of Sunset and Grand Coteau, LA; and served as Lead Writer for Play. Music. Heal.: a multi-disciplined collaborative theatre work-in-development by the company Acting Up (in Acadiana.) The project brings together actors, musicians and writers in creating a contemporary story revolving around the potential for music to heal.

The performances will be followed by an Open Mic of poetry and music in which everyone is invited to participate.  This free event takes place from 7:00 to 9:00 p.m. in Grand Coteau at Casa Azul, 232 ML King Dr. Free Black Beans and Rice.